My thoughts

 I am allowing the spirit to guide me. I feel the key is seeing the lesson in every moment. There is something to learn and there is a choice I can make in all moments to better my future. 

For example I missed the bus today. Instead of allowing stress to take over. I took the opportunity to read the seven habits of Highly effective people as I was waiting. I decided to make a choice to use this time effectively and read. If I would have got angry or stressed out. It truly could have effected my day in that way. Patience truly is a virtue. If I am patient with others and myself it allows room for the process of true change. Patience is a principle that helps people truly succeed. I am not a victim of anybody or circumstance. 

Every decision counts. Everything matters on how I react. I could have seriously been stressed and took it on the operator of the bus system when I called. I was calm as a cucumber and tried to send her positive energy with my voice. That was an opportunity for myself to bring me good Kharma. If I would have allowed myself to be frustrated I could have very well taken it out on the operator when I was calling about when the next would arrive. It was a 30 min wait. I was peaceful. I feel it's not worth it to sacrifice peace any longer. 

Patience and peace are fruits of the spirit. It's a gift@ I feel the lord is blessing me to be able to stay that way. 

I do feel peace is more important than happiness. Happiness is not all the time good! People can be happily delusional when it's truly not serving their path. People can hype themselves up to be happy. I am feeling positive is only good when it's right for your spiritual growth. Someone can still be positively delusional. Peace is the one thing in this world that can't be mimicked because it comes from within. I guess people can throw out peace signs. .. 

Health food update.

So I went to a health food store and got me some sprouts, kombucha, kale chips, and goat cheese. I want to be able to fully raw October the first. I am eating some goat cheese for a couple of days. I feel I have kind of transitioning this month. What I want to incorporate in my diet everyday is sprouts and something fermentated. I hope to learn to make Coconut almond yogurt from Lou Coronas recipe. I feel the way I have been eating is good because it has helped me not go on a belemia binge. It's tidying me over and its still a huge change, but to the extreme. Extreme change would have triggered my belemia habits. I feel I am craving more of the healthy food anyway. I am just taking it day by day. I feel when I get signed up for those herbalist course. I will be even more inspired to stay on track. It's just worth it anymore to damage to my body.
Last night I was really scared. I could feel the inside of my body being weak. I feel I an heal from it. It's just scary. Yesterday I had a heart murmer. I was feeling dizzy and I know my heart is kind of weak at the moment. I just got to take it easy. I know I can for sure heal. God has thing that can truly heal it. I can NOOOT afford to have soda. I can't afford to throw up anymore. I just feel like giving myself the hugest hug. I can't believe I was so unkind to this beautful vessel I hasve that god gave me.

God gave me this body! I want to value this body as much I value others.
The greatest gift I can give to others is first be kind to myself. I can't comprimise myself anymore. I am so beautiful and I have a good heart! I don't want to do damage to it! ...

I want to live on this Earth as long as I meant to. I can't short live my life! There is so much I want to do here! I can't waste any more days! I still have time. I am 35 years old. I have a long life to live! I hope and pray god can lead me until fully healing my body.