I can't seem to lose weight

I am not 189

For some reason, I keep staying the same weight.

I am almost suicidal about it because it never changes and I keep gaining.

July 27

I want to let go of a narcissistic abusive relationship. I need the lord to help guide me through. I just want more to life rather than allowing my beautiful energy get sucked it to someone that doesn't value me.
I was thinking about it all day. It makes me sad that I allowed myself to be broken down and demeaned like this. I want to forgive and just let go.

I want to know it's possible to be the hero of my own story.
I want to know it's possible to feel beautiful again. It's scary to really know though that he has an ego boost the more emotional I GET.
I am thinking about going back to the Gym. Also raw food.

I am starting raw tomorrow.
I have a smoothie and I will eat a salad later on tomorrow.